There are times when the excitement wears off and reality sets in, loneliness sets in, sadness sets in. I am not sad that this is my life. I am excited to see where this takes me. But there is a small part of me - which surfaces usually at night, or when I've been alone with my thoughts for too long - that can't believe this is my life. That still can't believe that forever wasn't, that the vows meant nothing, that I'm here in the crossroads of America because of so many previous crossroads I came to over the past few years. And now I start over, and I'll let it go, and I'll be better for it, but none of that changes the fact that I get sad and lonely when I think about this for too long. Or really when I think about it at all.